The mayor of a small Georgia town was suspended after being accused of trying to provide some liquid encouragement to a roadside prison work crew.
The case went to trial in December, where state attorneys claimed that in June, Thomson Mayor Benjamin Cranford bought two bottles of gin at a liquor store, then drove across the street and deposited one in a ditch, directly in the path of approaching inmates who were picking up trash.
Enter Alvin James, prison bus driver and amateur sleuth, who noticed Cranford’s SUV parked on the side of the road with the passenger door open. After investigating, James found the bottle of gin that Cranford left behind and even got a photo of the alleged Liquor Santa’s license plate as he drove away.
The mayor’s side of the story was even crazier.
In Cranford’s version of events, the bottle of gin inadvertently fell into the ditch when he pulled over to fix the Bluetooth connection between his phone and his car the only way he knew how — by opening and closing the passenger side door.
When prosecutors asked the mayor to explain why he didn’t just use the Bluetooth button on his dashboard, Cranford explained that he is “not tech savvy” and “That’s the way I’ve always done it. If that’s the right way or the wrong way, you tell me.”
Defense attorneys argued that Cranford had no reason to buy alcohol for the prisoners because he didn’t know any of them, and even if he did, he would have purchased a more practical plastic shooter instead of a large glass bottle.
No, the mayor was simply acting on the advice of a friend. Having just returned from a beach trip, the mayor testified that a doctor friend advised him, “If you drink gin, you won’t get malaria.”
(Fact check: Gin offers no protection against malaria. While quinine—the active ingredient in tonic water—can kill the parasites responsible for the disease, the effective dose would require downing about 440 gin and tonics, at which point malaria would be the least of your concerns.)
None the less, after less than one day of deliberations, the jury acquitted Cranford of all charges, and he was immediately reinstated as mayor.
Cranford celebrated with a new bottle of whiskey, but only because his doctor friend told him it would cure his gout.
Plate expectations
Florida drivers are putting the “vanity” in vanity plates, and police are not amused.
The latest auto customization trend has car owners transforming their state-issued license plates into works of art by airbrushing custom designs or applying vinyl wraps.
The result is personalized, stylish, distinct — and totally illegal.
At a recent exotic car show in Sunrise, Fla., high-end Lamborghinis and Ferraris shared the spotlight with equally flashy modified plates.
But Lieutenant Alex Camacho of the Florida Highway Patrol was unimpressed, telling Miami’s ABC 10, “If you put this tag on your car, we are going to seize that tag. You are going to get your vehicle towed and get an infraction for it.”
Citations for altered plates have skyrocketed 98% in the state this year, especially in South Florida, which claims 78% of the 893 statewide infractions in 2024.
For those considering adding pizzazz to their plate, Florida offers state-approved options like “Golf Capital of the World” or “Save the Manatee.” Sure, they’re not unique, or attractive, or all that desirable, but at least you won’t have to worry about police trying to seize them. (Or anyone else for that matter.)
Drive me crazy
Florida’s restriction on license plate bedazzling may seem strict to some, but it makes a lot more sense than some of the traffic laws in other states.
For example, in San Francisco it is illegal to dry your car with used underwear. Fortunately, there’s no law against using new underwear.
In Little Rock, Ark., the law states: "No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m."
And in Rockville, Md., it is illegal to shout obscenities while driving. You can be charged with a misdemeanor if a pedestrian or another driver hears you cursing, but fortunately there is no ban on hand gestures.
