By: David Matthews
Act your age
Police would like to issue a citation to 92-year-old George Kouloheras of Lowell, Mass., for wrestling with a man on a bridge. They don’t want to punish him, though—they actually want to reward him.
On his way to the grocery store, Kouloheras noticed a man straddling the railing on the edge of a bridge. Worried the man might be suicidal, Kouloheras stopped his car and, with the help of a passing motorist, was able to wrestle the drunken homeless man to the ground. When the would-be jumper began to struggle, Kouloheras sat on him while he waited for police to arrive.
During that time, Kouloheras asked the man why he wanted to jump. The man answered, “God wants me to die,” but Kouloheras wasn’t buying it. “Everyone has a purpose in life,” he told the man. “You just have to find yours. Then you’ll get to be as old as me.”
Designated idiots
An 11-year-old in Texas got more than he bargained for during a weekend trip with his dad in March. Not only did his father take him to a bar, but when dad had too much to drink he put his son behind the wheel for the remainder of the 200-mile late-night journey.
Luckily they didn’t get far before police noticed the car speeding and weaving through traffic.
Not to be outdone, an Australian man recently tied on a few too many and knew he was in no condition to drive. So with safety foremost in mind, he asked his nephew to drive him home.
Harris wasn’t drunk enough to give his keys to an 11-year-old, though. Apparently he was drunker. Harris’ nephew is just 6 years old.
The pair only made it a short ways before they smashed into a parked police car. Authorities found the retired plumber in the driver’s seat with his nephew in his lap. Neither was injured, though Harris’ blood-alcohol level was four times the legal limit in Australia.
Wrong side of the tracks
For contract worker Donnie Hall, when it rains, it pours.
Heading home from his job at Houston’s Reliant Stadium as a seat cleaner, Hall made his way to the metro station where he saw his northbound train waiting at the boarding platform. Worried that the train might pull away without him, Hall darted across the southbound tracks to catch it.
As it turned out, Hall caught the southbound instead. Hall is supposed to wear two hearing aids at all times, but on this day he was missing the left one. So as the southbound train approached on his left blowing its horn, Hall only heard the warning in his right ear. Not seeing an approaching train to his right, he proceeded to cross the tracks, stepping into the path of the train.
Even though the train had slowed to 20 mph, Hall was still launched 10 ft through the air. If that wasn’t enough, the ambulance he was loaded into for his trip to the emergency room was sideswiped in the middle of an intersection. Hall then had to wait for another ambulance to take him the rest of the way.
When Hall finally did make it to the hospital, he was miraculously treated and released with just a broken finger and some minor cuts and bruises.
See no pedestrian, hear no pedestrian
A retired Romanian man, Aurel Blidaru, was surprised to find police cars attempting to pull him over on his way to collect his pension check recently. The police were really surprised to see Blidaru step out of the car wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick.
Blidaru was even more surprised, however, to find out that the officers had stopped him because he had run down an off-duty police officer and left him lying in the road with a broken leg.
The police were most surprised, though, to find out that Blidaru had a valid license despite being legally deaf and blind. He explained to police, “I didn’t realize that I’d hit someone. I had a feeling I heard some kind of a noise, but I thought it was coming from the car engine.”
In his defense, he added, “I’ve been driving since 1950 and I’ve never had any problems. I am registered as deaf and blind, but can still see a bit out of one eye, and I know the route so well to the bank that I don’t usually have any problems. And I can hear fine—if people shout at least.”
